First World Problems

  • Where I work is so close to my home that I can’t hear a complete song while driving there.
  • My boobs are too big to go running.
  • My Fiji water won’t fit in my cup holder.
  • I am too skinny to have my belt end at one belt loop and too fat to have it end at another.
  • My towel is still wet from my first shower today.
  • My smartphone changes “lol” to “LOL” making me sound more amused than I actually am.
  • There’s never been a hurricane with my name.
  • I have excellent health insurance, but I’m too healthy to get any benefit from it.
  • My house is too big for the WIFI to reach my bedroom.
  • One click on my mechanical pencil isn’t enough, and two clicks is too much.
  • Someone paid me by check, so now I have to go to the bank to deposit it.
  • All my friends are studying for finals, so I have no one to drink with.
  • The pizza guy can’t find my house so now I have to stand outside and wave like an idiot.
  • I ate too much food for lunch and now I’m tired.
  • After you buy one iPhone, they make another one a year later.
  • My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.
  • The Wi-Fi on my flight across America is not fast enough to watch YouTube videos.
  • I got a haircut and now everyone is saying, “Hey, did you got a haircut?”
  • I accidentally bent my spoon while scooping out ice cream.
  • The cleaning lady woke me up.
  • There are so many dishes in the sink I can’t fill my Brita pitcher.